I talk to enough families to know for certain that our love as parents for our children is huge, unalterable, visceral and many other superlatives.
But what I see quite often, too, is parents who come to me confessing that they don’t like their children at certain times. And I’d like to talk about why this happens to us. Perhaps it’s happened to you – perhaps it happens to all parents at some point.
Watch the video or scroll down to read more…
Occasionally, my mum didn’t like me, apparently.
I’m thinking of a time when I must have been about eight years old. We were walking down the street and bumped into a friend of hers. It was a friend that I wasn’t that keen on. She had quite a square, pointy jaw, and I didn’t like her that much.
They got chatting and, oh no, the conversation came around to whether I would like to come round to her house. She had a daughter who was similar in age. When I heard that, I started to feel so fearful because I didn’t feel comfortable in her house. And I started doing whatever an eight year old might do in order to try and get out of this.
I kind of said yes because I thought I should be polite.
And then I said no.
And then I said vague things.
And then I looked away and I danced around on my toes.
It was awful, really, but I didn’t know what to say.
Finally, it was all over and they said goodbye. My mum took me around the corner and she laid into me. I had embarrassed her, and she was furious.
The thing is, my mum probably thought I was being rude. I was being cheeky. I was deliberately embarrassing her, or something.
But what she didn’t understand was what I just shared with you – that I didn’t feel comfortable in that place. I didn’t want to go to a place where I didn’t feel loved.
And this is what I believe nearly a hundred percent of our disagreements in families are about. Misunderstandings about love.
It’s as simple as that.
Imagine this. There’s a six-year-old boy having a bath with his beloved mother. They’re having a fabulous time together. It’s a one-on-one bath, not with his little sister who’s four years old.
There are bubbles. There’s fun. There are jokes. There are snippets of important conversations, too. It’s just the best. It reminds him in a deep, probably unconscious part of himself, what life was like before his little sister came along. That time when he was firmly the apple of his mother’s eye – the only one – the one and only.
After the bath, he goes back to his room and, boom, there he sees his little sister and she gives him that look. He’s instantly reminded that he’s not the only apple of his mother’s eye anymore, but he has to share her. And he feels less secure in his mother’s love for him when he sees his little sister.
He’s reminded of how easily she seems to please his mother, and his father as well. It just seems so easy for her to get all that wonderful, positive attention.
And this, after the heaven of the bath, brings him down to earth with a really big bang.
He pushes his sister over, and it hurts. She cries and mummy comes running in and she doesn’t understand why he would have done that.
She doesn’t understand because she’s been doing all the right things. She’s been giving him some quality time and one-on-one attention – helping to fill up his cup, feel loved – and now this has happened.
It’s another of these misunderstandings about love.
I believe this is actually happening all the time. Whether, in your case, it’s your child not wanting to get dressed, to go to school or nursery, or not wanting to go to bed in the evening. Or they keep hopping out once you you’ve put them to bed, or they’re pushing over their little sister…
I believe these are all misunderstandings about love.
Does this intrigue you? Would you like to learn more?
Would you like to know exactly how the misunderstandings about love are taking place in your family and, importantly, how to heal them so that you can all have a more enjoyable, happier and smoother time together?
If you would, I’ve got good news.
Starting Monday, October the 12th, I am running a free challenge exactly on this topic. The Reset Your Relationship in Five Days Free Challenge. And you’re invited.
I’d love you to join us. I’ll be taking you on a journey on which you’ll get a small, fun task each day.
Each task will take you, step by step, through a process which will unravel misunderstandings in your family, showing you how to heal them, have more fun together and have family life running more smoothly. We’re going to have lots of fun together.
I recommend you go there now, while you’re thinking of it, to get yourself signed up. I really hope to see you there.
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