Today I want to share some behind the scenes stuff – things that I haven’t shared with you before.
I do feel a little vulnerable sharing about a topic that we normally don’t talk about. But I would like my community to be a place where we talk about real things – because what’s the point in pretending?
I believe that being authentic and talking about real things is also the fastest route to a happy family.
And here’s the thing that you won’t know about me: It’s that my energy waxes and wanes – it goes up, and it goes down. And it always has.
Watch the video or scroll down to read more…
Decades ago, I worked over the summer in a community for children with disabilities. One day I was sweeping the floor and I remember struggling to push the broom, thinking to myself, “Goodness, I’m in my 20s, but I’m feeling so tired that it’s actually hard for me to sweep!”
And when my son was younger, I remember times when I had to go to bed and ask friends to bring him home from school. My husband had to do the cooking – I just didn’t have the energy to do anything.
These days, it’s different – I’m healthy. I barely ever get sick or have to go to bed.
But, still, there are days when my energy levels are just not as good as others.
The other day my son noticed it and he said, “You’re not yourself, Mum, what’s wrong?” In that moment I felt so bad that I wasn’t able to be that fun, energetic mum who cooks apple crumble and is present for him. Naturally he would prefer this. But on this occasion the apples were still in the fridge.
Nevertheless I realised the next day as I sat at the kitchen table that, although at times I’m not 100%, it is actually enough.
All the signs are that he’s thriving. In fact, last week he was made head boy of his school – so he’s doing more than okay. So I take this to mean that, even if I’m not perfect, the way I’m showing up for him is more than enough. And how I’m showing up for clients and other aspects of my business – this is more than enough too!
So, one reason I’m sharing this with you because, because I think maybe you have this experience, in your way, too. Maybe, sometimes, your energy isn’t at 100%. Maybe there are times of the month where you feel like you could go to bed, even if you don’t. Maybe you wish you had more to give your children.
And I want you to know that you are enough, as you are.
Women are cyclical beings. Our energy is meant to move from being sometimes more out there and go-getting and doing, to being more inward-looking, more reflective, more quiet – not having that powerful energy in the same way. We’re literally meant to be that way.
As well as finding peace around your child and their behaviour, I’d like to help you to find peace about your fluctuating energy.
Now, while our energy is meant to fluctuate, we are definitely not meant to be tired all the time. And here’s what helped me get my energy back:
#1 – The Right Food
What really helped me was finding the right food. The usual foods that we’re told we’re meant to eat – according to government guidelines – literally don’t work for me. I had to find the right food for my body.
#2 – The Right Exercise
And I also had to find the right form of exercise for my body. For years, I used to go swimming – lots of swimming several times a week. Although I love swimming, I did not like swimming pools, and it wasn’t the right exercise for me. It took me a while to realise this. But now I do other things – I do dancing and yoga, and even fitness training. I really enjoy them, so I’m more likely to keep them up, which I do.
And so movement is very much part of my life, which it wasn’t in the past.
#3 – Hydration
Also, I hydrate myself better.
#4 – Rest
And I rest. I don’t stay up late working regularly, like I used to. (Okay, sometimes I do, that’s my guilty secret.) But mostly I don’t. I shut down my computer and I do other things, at a more sensible time than I used to.
#5 – Working With My Worries and Fears
The biggest piece of all that has helped me release much more energy is working with my worries and fears and transforming outdated beliefs.
One of the ways I’ve done this is to work with my ‘parts’, such as the pleaser, the inner critic, the perfectionist and the inner or vulnerable child, during my training as a Voice Dialogue facilitator. There are many, many more parts than these – and we all have these parts, to a lesser or greater degree.
The things about our parts is this: they are wired to worry and be fearful – that’s their main focus. This is because their concern is to help us to avoid the pain and struggle we experienced earlier in our lives often in our childhoods. However their methods are not always very helpful!
They think that making us feel worried and fearful about pleasing people, or about not being good enough, or not having high enough standards – they think that will protect us from pain. Unfortunately it doesn’t work and our parts can keep us very stuck. Through Voice Dialogue facilitation, however, we can help our ‘parts’ to feel safer – by dialoguing with them.
When our parts feel safer, they give us more space. Space to feel like our true selves: free and energised!
This morning, I held a kind of ‘counsel’ with a number of my parts after my morning routine. I checked in with them and found there was literally a cacophony, like when you turn on the radio and there’s just noisy interference!
I went around and I talked to them all and reassured them about how things were going to be today and how things have been in the past weeks, et cetera.
After that, I cleared the sluggishness I had been feeling – and right now I have much more inner space and energy.
If you struggle with your feelings – whether this looks like tiredness/exhaustion, or worry/fear, or explosiveness/anger – your parts will be behind it – they always are.
If you’re curious which parts are impacting how you’re feeling let’s chat.
Every month I release a few complimentary, no obligation calls for people who are interested in my work. If you are interested in how this parts work might help you gain more energy and inner freedom, please let me know in the application form.
We can then look, not only at your child’s behaviour, but also what’s showing up for you and what the reasons for this could be, and the steps you can take to feel better. Those are the two strands of my work.
When we are our best selves, it becomes much easier to support our children to be their best selves.
Book a call with me HERE.
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