Now, no one had noticed that six year old Tom had climbed the apple tree, but they certainly did notice when he started lobbing apples at the group of adults and kids…
Everyone turned around, and his parents, Susie and Jonny, started shouting at him, “Stop it! Come down – come down at once!”
They were worried. They didn’t understand why Tom seemed to be on his own track, constantly disrupting family and social events. Susie was embarrassed to take him places because she was worried that he might chase children and punch them.
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Jonny said, “You know, Oona, on the weekend, I sat down on the floor had a great time with Tom. We were doing Lego together. He was absolutely brilliant – we were having a fabulous time. And then, after about half an hour, I turned to say something to his sister and he exploded. He went ballistic! I mean, I’d just spent half an hour with him…”
I really felt these parents’ bewilderment. I felt it, and I understood it.
So I said, “I have some questions for you both. How would it be if you were six years old, you were out and about with family and friends, and you were a little bit bored? You spot an incredible, wonderful opportunity to attract everyone’s attention and do something fun. But when you do it, no one else thinks it was a good idea, you get told off, and you’re in dreadful trouble. How might that feel?”
And then I said, “And how might it be if, say, you’re spending time with one of the two people you love most in the world, they’re giving you their undivided attention – playing Lego – and things just couldn’t get better. Then, all of a sudden, they turn away and start giving their attention to someone else, who they seem to love. How might that be?”
And I saw Susie’s eyes widen. She said, “Do you mean that he’s not a naughty boy? It’s just that he’s trying to tell us things?”
After that, Susie and Jonny started speaking with Tom in a completely different way – a new, loving and positive way. And the amazing thing was that he started telling them things in a very different way too, and before long, he was back in the bosom of the family – not on his own track any more.
One of the things that Susie had told me was that the kids always used to squabble about who sat in the front seat of the car. Since implementing these changes, she’s observed that when Tom’s sister has offered for him to take the front seat, he’s sometimes said, “No, it’s your turn.”
Isn’t that a wonderful change?
And actually, just before I went live this week, I got a lovely email from her, saying that they’d been to three garden playdates last week, and everything had gone brilliantly.
This is what really, actually happens when we start speaking with children in this loving, positive way.
And if you’d like to learn this new, positive, loving way of speaking with your child, so that you can see these rapid and beautiful changes in your child’s behaviour, then an opportunity is coming up right now. Because next week, starting Monday, 19th of April 2021, I’m running my free challenge – Reset Your Relationship with Your Child In Five Days – and I’ll be teaching you exactly this.
I’ll be helping you to…
- reconnect with your child so that you can enjoy time together,
- reset your relationship so that those frictions just melt away, as they did for Tom,
- bring your child to listen willingly,
- end arguments and bring calm, and
- understand your child better, so that all the above becomes much easier for you.
You can expect to see your child willingly turning off the TV and coming to the dinner table, or willingly finishing playing and going up to bed. Willingly going on that family walk. All things that happened for people the last time I ran this challenge.
On the sign-up page, you can find out more and register your place. I’m putting the whole week aside to spend time with you – helping you and your children have calmer, happier times together.
It was a wonderful experience last time (see here for testimonials) and I’m anticipating the same this time. Do join us.
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