If you’re reading this, I’m absolutely sure that your child’s well-being is a really high priority for you. So, you’ll be creating a nurturing home life, making educational choices with a lot of care, organising fun days out, great activities, lovely holidays and great food.
My message for you today is that self-compassion needs to be on that list, preferably at the very top.
Watch the video or scroll down to read more…
My specialism is naturally great behaviour through radical love, and by that I mean radical love for your child and also radical love for yourself.
So why do I say that self-compassion is key for your child’s well-being?
Here are seven reasons why…
#1 – With Self-Compassion, You Soften
You’re probably like me – you’ve got a lot on. And I know that when I berate myself about how I should be doing more, doing it better, faster, more efficiently, I feel dreadful, and I don’t show up in the best way for my son.
But when I say to myself, “Oona, you’ve got a lot on. Baby steps,” I soften.
I feel I’m being kinder. I’m able to be more smiley with my son and I see his well-being soar.
#2 – With Self-Compassion, You Forgive Yourself More Easily
Maybe, like most of us, you sometimes struggle with getting your child to do something, or maybe they’ve hit or kicked you.
If this is happening (and it happens for most of us!) you might be like Anushka Asthana, an editor at The Guardian, who said last week in a discussion on motherhood, that she sometimes says to herself: “Perhaps I’m not very good at this.”
And, perhaps you’re not used to not being good at things.
With self-compassion, we’re more able to forgive ourselves for that and realise that we’re learning.
We simply don’t know everything about this particular field – parenting. But we’re open to learn and able to forgive ourselves for not having every last answer, or sometimes just not knowing what to do.
When we forgive ourselves, we feel more open, more relaxed, and again, we’re much more likely to be smiley and forgiving towards our children.
#3 – With Self-Compassion, You Have More Understanding for Your Inner Child
Whenever difficult things come up between us and our children, the likelihood is that these difficult dynamics are traceable back to our own very early experiences.
In these situations, our inner child is feeling anxious, worried, scared – like she did once before.
It can be difficult to understand exactly how this works, but I have a recommendation for you. You can read this book, The Book That You Wish Your Parents Had Read, by Philippa Perry.
I not only wish my parents had read it, but I wish I’d written it too, it’s that good!
Philippa helps you to join up the dots between early experiences and what’s happening now. It’s incredibly useful because when we have that self-compassionate understanding for our inner child, there is so much more spaciousness that opens up in our lives.
And if the book isn’t enough and you want a little bit of hand-holding with this, reach out to me.
This is part of the work that I do with clients: I help them see how the seeds of present experiences lie in their childhoods.
This understanding is enormously helpful in freeing yourself – helping the inner child to feel more comfortable and comforted.
#4 – With Self-Compassion, We Have More Compassion for Our Children
With self-compassion, we’re less likely to see challenging behaviour as a deliberate attempt to wind us up. Instead, we can see more clearly through to our child’s heart and understand how they’re merely trying to get their needs met.
When we see children in this light – when we have this kind of understanding – this enables them to feel much better.
Our children feel understood, and this enhances their well-being no end.
#5 – With Self-Compassion, We’re More Likely to Practise Self-Care
We’re more likely to practice self-care because we feel more worthy. We feel more understanding of ourselves.
There are so many things we can do for our self-care. What I’m currently practising is a small digital holiday each day.
At the start of the day, I’ve stopped turning my phone on to see what arrived overnight. What I’m doing instead is getting up and taking care of myself – brushing my teeth, getting dressed.
I’m preparing a lovely breakfast for myself and for my son, and I’m really present and with him there. He comes down for breakfast and I take him off to school, and we’re having nice conversations.
I’ve really noticed that I’m cheerier and more present with him.
If you can’t do this in the morning because there are messages that you need to pick up at that time, you might want to keep it to a minimum and perhaps do something equivalent in the evening.
#6 – With Self-Compassion, We’re More Likely to See Ourselves as Worthy of Support
Who do you turn to for support in your life?
If your list is quite short, you might want to think about having more compassion for yourself and extending it, perhaps by hiring a cleaner, or by having a little bit of childcare – or a little bit more childcare.
Or perhaps it’s time for you to hire a counsellor, a mentor, or a coach.
There are some amazing people out there who are able to help you find ways of having a happier, more fulfilling experience in your day to day life, enhancing your and your child’s well-being no end.
When you are happier, they are happier.
When you’re feeling that sense of well-being, your child will feel it too. The two just go hand in hand.
#7 – With Self-Compassion, You’re More Likely to Trust Yourself
With self-compassion, you’re taking yourself more seriously.
You would be amazed how often, when I make recommendations to people, they say, “Oh, I’ve been thinking of doing that but I thought I shouldn’t.”
You have got so many kind and loving instincts inside yourself.
With self-compassion, you’re going to take them more seriously. And when you listen to those kind and loving instincts, your child will thrive even more.
They’ll benefit so much because with more kindness and more loving gestures in our lives, children’s well-being just soars.
Reset Your Relationship with Your Child
And finally, if you want to jump-start your journey of self-compassion, I do recommend a recent free offering of mine.
It’s my audio meditation, Reset Your Relationship with Your Child, (available on my homepage) which will help you access those feelings of compassion for yourself, your compassion for your child, and create that warm, fuzzy feeling between you. It’s just nine minutes of your time.
You could listen tonight and wake up tomorrow feeling better, feeling more compassionate, and seeing a difference in your child, too.
Do go and download it. I recommend doing it tonight.
And read the reviews from other mums who’ve been using it. They’re having some fantastic results. And I want you to have that too.
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